After 34th meeting.......

can I said....'padan muka' to myself??????since so many things have to improve after present the 'improvement' to my sv today after my IE last 2 months ago.......However, I'll never blame my sv even myself....because....if she not tell the right or not...I'll never know...so I should thankful to her today...my job is still my job...I'll ensure that I'll satisfy her requirements until our next meeting on end of Sept(approximately).....so many weeks of breaks??????erm....it seems that I can back to Malaysia...but it still impossible......I have so many jobs which are still 'hang out'..........Start tomorrow until 9th Aug..... I'll 'hang out' again most probably.....

Still 'owe'....

- final touch my SPARC conference paper-due date : 16th Aug 2010
-improvement of 'rejected' journal paper last January 2010: due date: no due date;depends on myself.....
-keep in progress on my 'critical chapters'-Chapter 5,6,7,8...due date : no specific dates has been given by my sv yet....still depends on myself........so I had to create my own due date: ??????????????????????????????


tomorrow will have 34th meetings with my sv...hopefully she is in good mood......

Today and tomorrow

Have to go school.....
Need something to do at school......
All my girls will at home with their maktok......
Hopefully I can go through the best job tomorrow....

The Climb (with lyrics on-screen)

Since last night....

I never have any motivation to keep doing my work....I feel so lost .....I don't know why I'm so emotional...I'm so lazy at the maximum level...the more I feel bored... I will browse my FB account to make it my feels better....but last night and few days backwards I feel not...I feel mix around and sometimes I hate everybody in surrounds me except my family......I don't know why I'm being so arrogant and weird like this......I feel nobody will understand what I feel into...All the negative aura or feelings is playing around in my mind...poor to my mom and spouse ...I'm so sorry to them...they got the 'effect's with my emotion feelings.........

I still 'owe' few works that should finish last week, but still hang out until today... I need momentum to continue my unsettled work as soon as possible.....sorry for my loyal readers(did I have it???).....since lately all my entries all about my unstable feelings and emotion...

Another spirit song to back Malaysia as soon as possible...

Adore this songs since I always listen from nasyid.fm.......feels to back Malaysia more strong day by day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Berderai Mata Hatiku
Mendera Semua Harapan
Selaksa Cintaku Padanya
Ikatan Suci Romantika NaunganMU

Meski Sejuta Cinta Menyapa
Masih Cenderung Qu Padanya
Tuhan satukan hati kami
Dibawah Cintamu Alirkan Bahgia Di RedhoMU

Kutidurkan Mimpi Indah Ini
Padamu Yang Menggenggam Takdir
Kusandarkan Harapanku Ini
Padamu Ya Ilahi, Kan Ku Simpan Dalam Rongga Hati
Stanza Cinta

Another university visits.....

My style is like to visit the universities if I have my vacation with my families...Last week, during our vacation bring my mom to east coast, we also have visited few universities.......Enjoy the pictures....

Leeds Metropolitan University

my friend's university;Jastini...University of Bradford

my friend's university;Md Noor..University of Leeds

University of Sunderland

Northumbria University

Azhar Sulaiman got degree from this university;he is my favourite artist!!!!my friend's university too;Nurul Adillah...

note-please ignore my chubby face,unavoidable case...hehehehe......

That is why PHD is really hard....

Quote from PM Dr Norzaidi Daud

roles-of-phd-supervisors

Ramai pelajar PhD yang merungut kepada saya bahawa supervisors mereka tidak membantu serta beri tunjuk ajar sewaktu buat PhD. Saya hanya tersenyum. Buat apa kalau ada supervisor tetapi tidak menolong apa-apa. Dulu masa buat master degree senang aje. Sekarang ini perlu belajar sendiri. Kalau nak tahu pasal methodology kena baca sendiri, and kalau nak tahu guna statistics pun kena baca sendiri. Susah betul!

Selepas mendengar keluhan mereka, saya pun menerangkan kepada pelajar PhD ini dan kebetulan beliau ialah rakan saya. Begini, sebenarnya buat PhD ini, supervisor hanya beri 5 peratus sahaja manakala yang 95 peratus kerja kita. Kalau tidak supervisor yang dapat PhD! Dulu masa master berlainan sedikit dan kalau bagi saya master tu hanya cover 20% untuk PhD. Untuk buat PhD, pelajar perlu buat semua benda termasuk mendalami knowledge research termasuk cara-cara menjalankan kajian, sampling, research instrument, data analysis etc. Kalau nak tahu kena belajar dengan sesiapa aje yang mahir. Masa ini kita tidak lagi depend kepada supervisor kerana mereka hanya menunjukkan "jalan" yang betul. Kalau terlajak, supervisor akan betulkan. So, dengan mudah saya katakan bahawa, PhD ini perlu belajar sendiri dan pandai-pandai sendiri tetapi 'pergerakkan' pelajar PhD akan dipantau oleh supervisor mereka. Sebab itu ada berbagai-bagai cara supervisor membimbing pelajar PhD mereka. Tidak ada standard. Kalau dapat supervisor yang jenis menulis, maka pelajar beliau akan digalakkan untuk menulis. Begitulah...

Oleh yang demikian, saya nak syorkan kepada semua pelajar PhD supaya prepare diri masing-masing dengan research knowledge dan betul-betul faham menjalankan kajian. Jangan sudah mendaftar dan masuk program PhD baru nak belajar semua benda, and kita tahulah conclusionnya kan...mula malas nak belajar, lambat defend proposal, dan last sekali tak tamat. Bila tak tamat pengajian, mula rakan-rakan sepejabat akan mula mengata yang bukan-bukan. Ada kawan saya sampai tukar tempat kerja sebab tak tamat pengajian. Dulu masa dapat biasiswa PhD, dia diraikan dengan hebat, tetapi bila tak tamat pengajian, mula tak tahu nak letak muka kat mana termasuk saudara mara, mak bapak dan mentua. Emm...mungkin anda dah mendengar cerita-cerita begini. Apa boleh buat, PhD bukannya hak mutlak dan tanggungjawab supervisor PhD. Pelajar PhD yang bertanggungjawab sepenuhnya pada PhD mereka. Pesanan saya, banyakkan berusaha, berdoa dan bertawakkal. Jangan lupa duduk bersama-sama rakan PhD lain untuk boostkan motivation dan discuss bersama mereka. Jangan buat PhD sorang-orang. Nanti tak menjadi! InsyaAllah anda akan berjaya membawa balik topi burger dengan bergaya!

http://norzaidi.blogspot.com/2009/10/roles-of-phd-supervisors.html

Thanks Sis Anis for sharing this links.....I'll keep it as spirit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tiba2

Teringin sangat nak balik...entahla..melayan mood 'swing' ni mmg parah dibuatnya...habis semua website penerbangan 'popular dan murah' aku dah tengok..tapi semua mahal2 belaka maklumlah sekarang ni musim panas....alih2 tiket waktu dekat2 dah nak balik(2011) pun dah aku tengok, dah tahu pun jumlah termasuk 'newcoming baby' kami nanti..semangat waja sungguh nak balik ni..pasai apa entahla???...haishhh kalau aku banyak duit....aku dah tempah dah tarikh yang aku mahu tu...,~jumlah utk 6 org waktu2 yang dijangka balik tu boleh buat bayaran muka honda city;>RM10,000...mana nak cekau maaa.... tapi duitnya mana cukup yer....erm entahla aku pun pening kepala melayan 'peel' yang tak ketahuan nie.......sebab tu aku sensitif sangat kalau orang tanya bila nak balik malaysia...SEBAB....aku memang nak balikkkkkkkkkk.....tiba2 je aku bosan dok sini...kalau air asia murah pada tarikh mak aku balik 7hb ogos ni..aku dah tempah dah...tapi mahal nak mampus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!tetiba aku dok merepek...erm...masuk dlm bagasi mak aku jela..anak2 aku cemana pulak???haru2....fokus pada phd pun tiba2 hilang!yg pasti ada 2 ke 3 org kot kwn2 aku yg dtg hampir sama dgn aku masa awal 2008 akan pulang awal thn 2011...pastinya aku meronta2 juga tika aku...moga2 aku tabah hendaknya!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like her opinion eventhough....

not all her points I can agree at all...but it have some trueness!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Basically the PhD is a journey … a journey you will start out with all the willing of the world. I still remember the big smile on my face when I got accepted into the programme. It felt good! I was so certain of what I was going to do.I had it all figured out. For a moment or two it was all so clear.
I just forgot to consider the ‘hows’ and the ‘whys’ I would – still do – encounter throughout the PhD path as you mature your ideas. But that is part of the process, and also the fun even though sometimes you can’t really think of it in such way. And yes, you got it. A PhD is not linear in any sense, not even after your research proposal is accepted or the Ethics Committee gives you green light. Not even there! But how would I know? I had never done this before.

Doing a PhD is truly a work in progress, constantly in change and changing you. That’s the magic of a PhD!
Throughout that process there are two things that are fundamental to support all the ups and downs of doing and being a PhD: the supervising team and the network.

Regarding the supervising team: make sure to choose the right person. By that I don’t only mean to choose someone who is knowledgeable about the field, but someone you empathise with. Trust me, that is even more important! You will not get someone who is doing exactly the same research you are about to start to supervise you…because if that were the case then it would be their research and not yours!
What you want to is to find someone who knows enough of what you want to do, and who is also open to learn with and from you. Someone who is wiling to provide their personal views regarding the experiences they have gathered throughout the years. The good thing about having a supervisor is that you feel you are able to talk to them about your ideas and have them challenging you with their own. You don’t want someone who thinks exactly like you, but rather someone who thinks with you.

That takes me to the next and most important aspect of your relationship with your supervisor. It should feel like a partnership. There has to be mutual understanding. You need to be open about your ideas, questions and confusion stages. You need to feel you can trust and are trusted. You do not want an impersonal relationship. Your PhD is going to be pretty much your life for the next 4-5 years so make sure you are making it personal and are enjoying it (although sometimes it might not feel that way).

The other thing that is important and which will help complement the activity of your supervising team is the learning network you will be able to cultivate around you. That has at least, two purposes. First, it helps you widen your horizons and look beyond the tiny, little aspect on which your research will focus as you will be exposed to different ideas and practices they share. You do not want to shift the focus from your PhD, yet you want to be part of the wider picture. This will be crucial when looking for a job. You need to be able to show your knowledge spans beyond your PhD research project.

The network will help you connect with other PhDs and researchers. That is really important as you will be able to find people you can share the PhD joys, and the PhD blues too, with. Furthermore, you might even start collaborating with them, be it by providing feedback on their writings and/or writing together. Every PhD student should have at least one critical friend.

And on that note, I will end this post with just one more thought. A PhD can still be an individual project, but should never be a lonely experience!

In this post I have tried not to give an idealistic idea of what doing a PhD entails. Yet, do not feel totally demoralised with it. It is an experience worth pursuing, otherwise I would not be doing it.

Hopefully other PhDs will pitch in with some more 1st hand experiences. It is always useful to learn from other people’s stories.

she is one of my phd mate in salford university

If I can.....

Unstable feelings has came now.....
I know this year I will not back to Malaysia for celebrate eid ul Fitr like last year...but suddenly my heart feels like wanna back with my mom soon when she back this early August....
Yesterday...I just joking with my youngest daughter...'Hanie do you wanna back with maktok'????she said: ha.....(means she want follow her maktok back to Msia...)..
then I respond to her...If Hanie follow maktok...mama have to follow too.....
(within in my heart......is too impossible at this moment since now is my 'critical time' to my phd journey).......waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......

At this moment, I really craving@ mengidam for mee udang teluk kumbar,penang.......
really have to enforce my mom to cook before she go back...huhuhuhu.....and furthermore...I hate with all the food(esp which food I can't get here...) which have been showed in my friend's facebook or blogs esp in Msia......menci and very da jelous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!another challenges for my journey too!!!!!!!!!!

Sebolehnya......

Sejak bondaku ada di sini...aku jarang ke universiti...banyak masa dihabiskan dirumah bersama si comel Hanie.....minggu lepas hanya sekali;berjumpa penyelia dan diikuti ke 'khemah kerja' 2 hari....minggu ini..hanya hari ini, memandangkan aku perlu menyiapkan semula model2 dlm perisian nvivo yang tidak ada dalam komputer peribadi ku di rumah...esok dan lusa masaku akan dihabiskan bersama dengan bonda dan si comel Hanie.....Begitu juga dengan minggu hadapan, aku hanya akan ke universiti pada hari Isnin; berjumpa dengan penyelia dan mengemas 'workstation'; memandangkan ada kerja2 pemasangan penghawa dingin di bilik ofis ku itu yang akan bermula dari Selasa(13/7) hingga Jumaat(16/7)....sememangnya di rumah ajelah aku bersama bonda dan Hanie....
email dari staf berkenaan:
PhD students in Maxwell PhD room 926

Apologies for the short notice but we have just be advised that work
will start on Tuesday 13th July 2010 to install air-conditioning in
Maxwell PhD room 926

This means that all personal items and computers need to be moved off
the desks on Monday 12th July - this will be arranged by Paul Crompton
(p.a.crompton@salford.ac.uk) the SBS IT Technician who will provide
cardboard boxes etc.

The work will be completed on Friday 16th July.

Tahap kemalasan aku pula masih di tahap maksima....dan jika mood membuat kerja hadir, harapnya rajin ke tahap maksima lah yer(walaupun ianya seakan mustahil untuk berlaku....)....paling lama dalam sehari pun hanya boleh menjangkau dalam 7 ke 8 jam sahaja(cthnya; hari ini mungkin?????)....dan biasanya purata masa bekerja ku hanya 4 jam...percaya atau tidak????aku pun tak tahu macamana nak masuk kerja semula kelak yang mana waktu pejabat adalah '8 to 5'...9 jam sehari....tapi pengalaman lepas...waktu bekerja macam aku ni biasanya fleksibel..hehehehehehehe..walaupun 'punch in punch out' ada......

Harap2nya walaupun atitud aku sebegini, izinkan aku Ya Allah untuk aku menamatkan perjalanan ini....Amin...................................

nota- rasanya selepas ini aku tidak mahu lagi menyatakan secara terperinci tentang status perjalanan ku ini...kerana sudah mula merasakan saat2 genting ini banyak perkara yang perlu dibendung!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Their culture is not my culture......

Last week(1st and 2nd July), I got opportunity attend 3rd Digital Culture under ISOS,SBS at CUBE,Manchester....

Again, in that workshop where I'm the only one Malaysian and I met few new faces and ISOS academicians and phd students but what I'm trying to share is some of their research is not met my culture as Malays....I just listen and think deeply that their culture allowed them doing the weird research(this is my opinion) and if their research are presented in Asia or Malaysia spesifically, off course they will banned by their organizer.But, that is the unique experience that I think, I will never get in other workshop.....

From 13 presentation includes keynote speakers, they 'weird' and not 'halal' research for me are:
'Grindr:immoderation vs sin in the global virtual gay bar'- tentang gay
'Grabbing by the eyeballs;affective intensities of online porn'- tentang dot dot dot
'Multiplicity,congruity and the development of e-gambling commerce in the UK'- tentang perjudian
'Missing cultures across video games:queers,gaymers and the terms of their inclusion'-tentang permainan internet gay





the rest research presentation are alright and some of them have some same aspects within my research......
-managing the multiplies;understanding the power of google
-was it an internet election.....again
-multiple space and discontinuities as transformative tools
-mobility,personal learning environments and the use of space in higher education \/
-growing up in a virtual world:girls,identity and facebook \/
-and why would I participate?'a framework of value exchange and roles in digitally engaged communities \/
-football social media:playing the game, but where is the trust?
-photobombs:capturing and/or resisting everyday life
-'we die for the glory of the emperor' young people and 'playing' at war in on-line role playing games
'