What I should fell today.....

Today after 9 days no updates....I don't know to express my feelings after back from summer breakaway...supposedly I have KM discussion with clem,julie and ida etc etc today...but unfortunately nobody comes....as I know clem have to go back to zimbabwe since her dad passed away...ida have something urgent manner ...and julie???missing in action??? don't know why ????the rest still struggle for their interim...best of luck to them....so..I just stay alone in the discussion room and read for 1 hour in 2 KM jurnals papers that supposedly we should discuss today..hey heye!!!!...come on dear..what you should expect from the person who just back from holiday to produce the best preparations in any discussion...erm...fortunately...maybe I got some 'hikmah' indirectly... I managed to understand the journal papers which I feel got some general ideas for my research...although no discussion....sometimes when we feel so energetic( are you sure you are in energetic now??not at all..just a little bit maybe??? Wallahaualam...in other words..I feel that my motivation just at 75% in spirits- seem like re boost the motivation) the others not in the same situation...when we feel down not for others too...

soon in other entry I'll share my journey experience visited few universities at midland(Oxford university,Warwick university and Coventry university) and south england(Southampton university,Portsmouth university,Bristol university,Bath university, Exeter university and Plymouth university) during my summer breakaway...it was good approach to get our motivation too...as mind therapy besides the tourist attractions for my daughters......

spirit songs.......

Must be positive

I must be positive but if I just whispered to myself just like that, it doesn't work maybe...means that I'm really need to visit another positive or motivational blogs for me to think that in our life, we must always be positive...although it's hard to handle it....that's why I do have motivational blogs list and this week I noticed one of my master class mate 7 years ago..suziyanti @ sz also have her positive phd blogs that I should follow her....besides that, I really have to listen on motivational songs that it would be wake up my self..I don't want be down all the time...... I must be strong and positive...why???it because almost everyday I will face the bad things or no progress or pressure or depress....erm....actually now I'm still pressure on my phd works in all aspects....for example yesterday.. I try my best for not sleepy but it happens for almost 4 hours at my school....I did not do job efficiently because I do not achieve my aim...then I tends to being moody to my daughters....am I bad mom????????...I'm really sad why I being so 'cengey' to my own daughters....they are not guilty but I admit that I do always can't control my emotional feelings to them...I'm always throw out my frustrated feelings to them although they're not realise on my feelings, but I'm realise that my eldest daughter always make me calm....(but sometimes..she was one of my factor to be moody...poor to her......) erm..so many lines that I try to explain my real situation..and I don't care if the readers can't dig out my feelings or emotion but I just wanna throw out my feelings through this keyboard...it can release my tense....
maybe some reader questioned without throw the comments.....'dugaan berat' sgt ker this woman????never mention her dugaan or cabaran??'asyik mengeluh' and keep 'mengeluh'......erm..yes..its hard to reveal every things...but just to share...among cabaran or challenges in myself are- easy to have lazy feelings, easy to tension, easy to down, too sensitive, no consistency, lazy in actions also in some aspects, easy to influenced by environment~~~~easy to broken-heated when people say some thing bad about her daughters~~sometimes I feel too lazy to meet people....always was condemned by her own spouse in many aspects(what is that??'biarlah rahsia')....it 's true the quote said ' it's not easy to being easy(get phd means our life will be better insyaallah...) and it's not hard to being hard'...hopefully I must be survivor and stronger what ever it is....

I have to....don't be down for a long time dear...wake up wake up wake up....

I’m a survivor (what),
I’m not gonna give up (what),
I’m not gon’ stop (what),
I’m gonna work harder (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin’ (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m not gonna give up (what),
I’m not gon’ stop (what),
I’m gonna work harder (what),
I’m a survivor (what),
I’m gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin’ (what).

Feel like zombie......

why I'm saying like that???because I'm feel so sleepy and sleepy since every night not get enough sleep...the effect is to my data collection..I'm feel so so so sleepy...although may efforts tried to make it reduce but felling sleepy still exists....it means I feel like zombie....go go go go go........try to fight in yourself more more and more...

'luahan rindu'...................suddenly feel missing my school time....

Terkenang masa dahulu
Memori silamku
Kisah persahabatan
Dengarkanlah lagu ini
Kuciptakan untukmu
Moga dirimu terhibur

Kenangan dahulu mendewasakanku
Mengajar erti kehidupan
Segala pahit manis tempuhi bersama
Demi mengejar satu cita

Kenanganku
Dengarkan luahan hatiku
Merindu keriangan dahulu
Indahnya…saat penuh tawa ceria
Terhapuslah segala duka

Teringat daku kembali
Saat kasih bersemi
Kita mengukir janji
Di waktu persekolahan
Yang penuh impian
Kita memburu harapan

Segala yang indah
Jadi kenangan
Yang butik jadikan sempadan
Biar diduga derita tabahkanlah sentiasa
Semoga mendapat rahmat-Nya

Kenanganku
Hadirlah di kau menerangi
Oh ruangan hatiku
Semoga tersirat hikmah melanda
Bersama kita untuk selamanya

Good bye case study...welcome survey in my journey.....

Insyaallah...I'll not using case study approach anymore...but maybe more to survey approach towards in qualitative and quantitative methods....wish me all the best to strive this challengable methods...

19th meeting on 16th july

after nearly two months no meetings with my sv...last week..I've got chances to meet her with a few progress.....glad to inform about-
-my journal publishing..alhamdulillah
-my ethical approval ammendments
-my progress on data collection; she emphasis on justification why I choose the number of blogs-really to think and find out more.....
-my accepttance on eckm 2009-settle on poster preparation...
-my preparation to attend master class on research methodology by dr polly start on oct 2009
-my research approach
-my potential theories that I may used for findings soon
-my chapter target and delivery styles
-my analysis tools....

that's it..now I'm waiting on respond about ethical ammendments..hopefully she will give to me back within 2 weeks more..and I will meet her back on 27th august.....and I'm really hope I can give the solid justification on why I choose 15 blogs for each study???????????????????

Theories that will be used.....

social exchange theory
theory planning behaviour
narrative theory
media richness theory
social capital theory
social cognitive theory

Alhamdulillah...

Today, I met one of my fellow phd mate who her research have slight similiarity with me and now she is in writing phase....she guide me on how to relate the related existing theory with my findings....at the moment, I do have six related theories with my research but it doesn't mean I have to use all of the theories..it depends on my objectives and my finding...like my phd mate, yan just using three theories only...reflects to her findings too..then at the end...from that will come out with the conceptual framework which is my target for my research..insyaallah..thanks a lot yan for guide me and lend me one of useful book (maintaining long-distance and coss-residential relationships)too to me....I'm so happy knowing you and willing to share on this skill....

Di kala sunyi ini...(sometimes trying to escape from english writings)

Dalam perjalanan sendirian ini...terlalu banyak perkara pahit manis yang telah ku lalui...dan pada firasatnya di kala ujian kesedihan melanda ..hati ini banyak menangis sendirian...namun di kala kegembiraan datang menjenguk..ada insan yang tidak betah dengan keadaan itu...namun siapalah aku untuk menghalang daripada semua keadaan itu semua berlaku...sebenarnya aku bukanlah insan yang pandai bermain dengan kata-kata mahupun nukilan ataupun coretan menarik untuk dikongsi...tambahan lagi biasanya aku menulis dalam bahasa inggeris dengan niat untuk mempertajamkan kemahiran penulisan aku. Namun adakalanya aku merindui penulisan bahasa ibunda aku ini..... apatah lagi menulis dalam bahasa yang baku...walaupun adakalanya mungkin ianya seakan terselit kepelikan di mana2 ayat....namun..aku tetap cuba untuk meluahkan apa yang aku rasa pada minggu ini...yang sebenar-benarnya aku tahu ujian yang allah berikan ini mungkin di pandangan mata insan lain adalah ringan dan normal bagi mana-mana individu yang melalui proses phd ini...ya..... aku akui aku bukanlah insan yang mudah melatah..... namun aku adalah insan yang mudah terhiris dan sensitif...itulah yang menjadikan kesukaran bagi aku jika aku menemui 'kayu penghalang' di dalam perjalanan ini...minggu ini aku telah diuji dengan dua perkara...pertamanya tentang permohonan 'ethical approval' yang mana kawan-kawan lain berpendapat memang normal jika ianya perlu dibuat penambahbaikan, dan aku pun akui ianya normal dan alhamdulillah ada rakan2 seperjuangan yang sanggup menghulurkan sokongan... namun sebenarnya setelah aku memberikan penambahbaikan dokumen berkaitan, jauh di sudut hatiku terasa gusar...bila agaknya aku akan memperolehi kelulusan tersebut..aku pun tidak pasti bilakah penyelia aku akan memberikan maklumbalas secepat mungkin atau tidak..mana mungkin untuk aku memaksa beliau..seterusnya apabila penyelia aku berpuas hati, aku perlu menghantar semula kepada pihak berkenaan dan jika tiada penambahbaikan semula..proses kelulusan mengambil masa selama 12 minggu atau pun setidak-tidaknya 4 bulan...ya..sememangnya kini aku telahpun dalam proses mengumpul data...namun sejujurnya.... aku belum cukup yakin dengan apa yang aku lakukan selagi kelulusan 'ethical' itu belum diperolehi....sebenarnya banyak lagi peringkat2 yang perlu aku tempuh.....maklumbalas daripada adik2 responden di Kuala Lumpur pun masih diam seribu bahasa...entah apa silapnya...kemudian hari ini, aku mendapat berita yang tidak gembira lagi...permohonan aku menghadiri seminar di bawah bantuan universiti tempat aku bekerja tidak disokong atsa alasan aku hanya sebagai pembentang poster...aku tidak kecewa dengan hal tidak disokong itu..namun apa yanga aku kesalkan ianya tidak dinyatakan dalam syarat permohonan.....seharusnya syarat permohonan perlu dinyatakan lebih terperinci supaya insan2 seperti aku tidak membuang duit mengepos dokumen dan berakhir dengan tidak disokong...huh..hina sangat kah sebagai pembentang poster..bukan aku tidak mencuba sebagai pembentang secara berlisan..namun kertas kerja aku tersebut telah dinilai dan masih belum layak untuk dibentang secara lisan dalam seminar yang akan aku hadiri kelak..mengerti?????aku pernah berbicara dengan seorang rakan phd aku di sini di mana beliau ada menyatakan bahawa universiti tempat dia belajar pun hanya beri kelulusan bagi pembentangan secara lisan...tidak pembentangan poster...aku kesal rupa2nya wujud diskriminasi antara pembentang poster dan juga pembentang lisan terlalu ketara..bagi aku yang penting adalah perkongsian ilmu dan maklumbalas daripada pihak audiens- kedua-dua pembentang(poster dan lisan) perlu berinteraksi dengan audiens cuma pendekatan yang berbeza......aku sebenarnya terasa lemah secara tiba2 dengan ujian2 ini...namun, insyaallah aku yakin aku boleh lalui..tapi aku perlukan masa....aku tidak gagah atau pun kuat kental perkasa seperti orang lain..sebab tu rasanya aku dah tak boleh guna dah perumpamaan ini ' erm jika kita rasa kita diduga teruk, ada insan yang lebih teruk diuji Allah'..sebab aku yakin kemampuan manusia berbeza-beza....dan aku tahu tahap kemampuan aku....ujian yang ringan ini pun aku rasakan seakan tamparan hebat bagi aku....tak tahulah bagaimana agaknya jika aku diuji dengan dugaan yang lebih hebat daripada ini...mudah2an aku kuat dan tabah tempuhi perjalanan yang masih jauh ini....dan aku tetap bersyukur penyelia aku sentiasa memberikan sokongan sepenuhnya untuk aku tempuh semua onak duri ini....yang pastinya di penghujung 2010, samada aku sudah tamat atau belum, aku perlu pulang ke tempat asalku bekerja kerana itulah polisi baru yang sedang diwar-warkan kini...polisi itu juga seakan memberi tekanan sebenarnya kepada aku...sebab aku pun tak pasti pada bulan disember 2010 itu adakah aku sudah tamat pengajian atau belum....sememangnya harapan aku sememangnya tinggi menggunung untuk tamat pengajian sebelum menjelangnya januari 2011, namu aku tidak boleh memberi sebarang kepastian, kerana allah yang maha berkuasa...kita hanya merancang, allah jua yang menentukan segala-galanya....wallahaualam...

survey research methodology in management information system : in assessment

JALAN KE PUNCAK ITU BERONAK DAN BERLIKU..
MENYUKARKAN PENDAKIANKU ...
NAMUN TETAP KU GAGAHI...
DENGAN HATI YANG RAPUH INI..
DEMI HASRAT YANG SUCI....

many thanks to my employee for not approve my 'applications'...
whatever it is..I still proceed with my decision.....


borrow from my friend with this quote....
Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA Menyayangimu, Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin Mengujimu, Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, Maka Dia Merancang Sesuatu Yang lebih Baik Untukmu. Oleh itu, Sentiasalah Bersangka Baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun... Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH Itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya

Researching information systems and ... - Google Books