Just 15 days left.....@ Aku mesti kuat!!!!!!!!!!![episod 2]

Today is already 15th Ramadhan..it means we still have another 15 days before Ramadhan leave us..(for muslim).....Honestly I start feeling sad when that time arrives....

For me, my effort on phd work for this month is just in very minimum level because I prefer to focus more on 'ibadah' to Almighty and with that, I feel so calm and peaceful....It doesn't mean before this I ignore my responsibility to Him....but this month I feel some different feelings with all this 'performance'......what is the 'performance' that I mean???I think I should not to reveal here...to avoid 'riak' feelings came to me....just enough that matter is between me and Almighty only...

In addition, since my sv still in holiday due to summer break in university(normally in UK, majority of academicians always take their annual leave during this summer break in August), so that factor also makes myself feel like I was in 'home mini holiday' too..as I mentioned in the previous entry, I just looking my phd work in night only;almost 2 or 3 hours. In day, my activity just full with 'mingle' around with my girls within housekeeping core alternate with sleep( very heaven when got sleep in a day!!!!!!!!!!!) and cook for iftar n sahur.....why I can sleep in a day..since during night I have to stay awake until sahur to avoid from us to miss sahur....I feel I like an 'owl'....even though my work just in minimum effort, I still prepare my plan and so far my plan is on track....and I always, I wish I could achieve my target before I meet again my sv end of this Sept(it means few weeks after Eid ul Fitr)...wish me all the best.......even now swing mood always came to me...I must be strong to handle it....

Just one job settled.....

Alhamdulillah...even busy with handling my kids at home...
my first 'owe' job has been done yesterday..hopefully it'll okay ...SPARC 2010 paper conference...

still have two 'owe' jobs which I don't think can settle down before Eidul Fitr......
Nowadays...I just have one or two hours work after tarawih or after subuh...not in days.....
I wanna give 'big chances' for my spouse for his IE preparation where mostly everyday he have to go school.........that's it!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more vacation or holidays at this moment......just enough during their maktok was here last month......
Yesterday met with one of my previous IE examiner(Dr Gordon) and he trying to make it clear all his comments and some suggestions...I'm quite clear now...but I still couldn't find the solution yet for my own research context...seems easy but it's really though.........erm.....??????????????????

18 hours....hopefully I'll have strength for it....

Salam Ramadhan for all muslims and muslimat who read this entry.....

Here the season is still summer, so we will have more longer than Malaysia's time for fasting....hopefully I and my spouse will have strength to go through for whole the month...insyaallah by the end of this month the period of fasting will be reduced until 15 hours time by time...insyaallah...

Real life experiences of supervising PhD students

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Real life experiences of supervising PhD students

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Aku mesti kuat!!!!!!!!!!!!![episod 1]

Ya!!!!!!!!!!!!! mak kini sudah pun selamat sampai di Malaysia..seperti yang aku jangkakan...sekembalinya ke rumah selepas menghantar bonda di Stansted ....
aku mulai sebak melihat wajah2nya di paparan blogs anak2 (3 Princess Blog)...ingin rasanya aku mahu dia menemani aku sehingga aku selesai perjuangan aku yang tidak tahu bila akan berakhir...namun itu suatu perkara yang mustahil...dia pun sudah mulai merindukan rumahnya di kampung....dan itulah yang tersurat untuk mak datang sini bagi tempoh 6 minggu sahaja....

Mungkin ada yang tidak mampu memahami apa yang aku tanggung sementelahan aku tidak mampu mengungkapkan semuanya melalui kata2 nukilan di sini...tambahan pula aku bukannya berniat menagih simpati dari mana2 pihak...cuma cukup di sini aku katakan antara yang menjadi aku sebak apabila bonda ku pulang....sebenarnya aku tak lah sebaik mana untuk dicontohi dan adakalanya aku sering ber'tembung' pendapat dengan mak ..lantaran menyebabkan aku gagal mematuhi nasihatnya....dan aku juga bukanlah ibu mithali untuk anak2 comel di mana aku sering bertindak luar kawalan terhadap anak2 aku jika mereka nakal atau buat hal...sehinggakan bonda aku risau memikirkan waktu2 aku sarat nanti...sehinggakan dia berpesan kepada jiran terdekat ku supaya membantu apa yang patut tika waktu itu tiba...

aku terharu juga tatkala mengenangkan kesemua permintaan aku,mak cuba penuhi sebaik mungkin ketika dia di sini...permintaan aku hanyalah tertumpu kepada makanan2 yang aku tak 'pandai' untuk masak, tapi teringin sangat untuk menjamah dan dia lebih arif....dia sangat memahami keinginan dan citarasa aku..................sekarang apa yang teringin semuanya haruslah masak sendiri-satu cabaran bagi aku dan aku perlu kuat dan aku bukannya baru di sini...mungkin juga Ramadhan yang bakal menjelang ini adalah Ramadhan yang terakhir buat aku di rantau orang...mudah2an.....

cukuplah kot untuk kali ini...erm kalau dalam bahasa ibunda ku ini...boleh je panjang lebar..tapi kalau dalam bahasa inggeris yang cuba ku pertajamkan kemahiran penulisan aku...pastinya ringkas ajelah....

nota- aku sudahpun men'nyahaktif'kan akaun FB buat sementara waktu..harap2 kali ini lebih komited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mudah2an..bulan ramadhan ini membawa sinar baru untuk aku sekeluarga...

Speechless.........................

Next tomorrow...my mom will back to Malaysia....is it I'm sad????if I say no, off course it's liar......but can I say that my feeling is speechless.....

Say to myself....I will not back Malaysia before my 'fight' is not finish yet.....even though normally people see me as fragile(yes I admit it...) but sometimes because of condition...desperately I become as though woman like my mom.......
I try to remember everything that makes me fear to back to Malaysia
(esp nearly to Eidul Fitr) at this moment(ha??what???fear to back my own country???) just for temporary reason only.......insyaallah by the right time I'll back.....hopefully before Eidul Fitr 1432/2011......amin.....................................

I think .....

Start from Ramadhan until ?????????????????????????????????????????
I'll deactivate my FB due to some circumstances....now even though I'm in activate yet...but I don't have any feelings so much with all the friends....I don't know why....my emotion still 'bengong' remains even I'm already 14 weeks now.......I know this intention is not the first time but I'll try my best....one reason due to deactivate includes...............
try to avoid in feeling jelousy when look at food at Malaysia esp in Ramadhan.....
so many reasons which I could not reveal here.......

It doesn't mean................................. I try to run away from my friends or whatever it is( to wish birthday I do not have any feelings anymore.....I'm so sorry to my all friends)...............however I still do remember my friends and family but I have to ensure my emotion is stable........


note: seems that I'm so arrogant or whatever; but honestly I'm not mean like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....the most important I know what I do now...I cannot blame the others on what I've been feelings now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dr Darwina.....

During we visit Dr Darwina's family last Jan 2009.....

my colleagues at Malaysia...She already had passed her viva last Friday-30/7/2010 and now going back for good already...Till we meet then at Malaysia.... Dr Darwina....I'm so proud with you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(note: both of them{Dr Darwina and her spouse} were pursue Phd at Loughbourough University with two kids.....similar like me and my spouse.....)