Moga2 pengorbanan ini ada hikmahnya yang tersendiri......

Siapa yang mahu ber'pisah' dengan teman hidup mahupun 'soul mate'nya dalam apa jua keadaan sekalipun..namun adakalanya kita hanya merancang namun Allah yang maha mengetahui segala2nya...teman hidup penulis berada di perantauan kini masih menyelesaikan perjuangannya di sana(Manchester) dan besar harapan penulis agar beliau akan pulang semula sebaik sahaja perjuanagannya selesai sekurang2nya sehingga hujung tahun ini...penulis sekeluarga sentiasa mendoakan yang terbaik untuk beliau...mohon pembaca semua mendoakan kejayaan beliau dalam perjuangannya dalam pencarian ilmu Allah yang tidak ada titik noktanhya ini...

Penulis tahu 'cool man is very sensitive man enough' walaupun luaran nampak sangat kuat....harapan penulis hanya hanya satu...moga beliau sentiasa kuat semangat,sentiasa fokus,sentiasa mohon padaNya dan jangan menyerah sebelum tiba masanya...insyaallah beliau boleh.....doa anak2 juga mengiringinya....

First experience..............

Challenging but it was so meaningful for the author...............................

Visited 23 students in 14 companies within 5 days include travelling time from Jitra to 3 different places(Cameron Highlands,the author chose last week period since my first girl was on leave from school since UPSR examination.....The challenging condition when find the place using google map{out of update) and Garmin is out of battery(using smartphone)...the reason was the road name was changed, the company no signage....luckily majority of my students was so helpful....I managed to find their places......The author got opportunity to meet with some of their supervisors means it may increased her confidence level to meet the 'big person' /somebody in the company since she know who she was....

Bekerja dari rumah...........

Selalunya aku buat kerja sekolah di sekolah a.k.a universiti tapi kalau keadaan tak mengizinkan atau anak2 cuti sekolah aku akan buat kerja sekolah dari rumah a.k.a work from home.....

Memandangkan kaki kiriku 'leg cramps'(tarik mengkarung) sekali lagi semlm dan kalau ke sekolah memang aku perlukan tenaga kaki yang agak banyak....jadi aku hanya buat kerja sekolah dari rumah....di tambah lagi dengan 'heartburn' yang kembali menyerang......di rumah..semuanya dekat ..tandas, dapur, peti ais dan juga katil(godaan) tapi insyaallah dengan nekad dan niat yang ikhlas, perancangan ku untuk siapkan kerja sekolah akan berjalan sebaik mungkin sebagaimana di sekolah....amin.........

pst: ada hati nak berkongsi pengalaman seronok ke tak seronok belajar di tempat orang....tunggu entri akan datang...

Cabaran dan Dugaan

Cabaran 2008
*9 bulan pertama- bergilir2 ke sekolah memandangkan 2 kanak2 kecil perlu dijaga; untuk hantar kat orang 2 org agak mahal kosnya
*bulan ke tujuh- ada musibah yang menimpa menyebabkan kami 'patah kaki' hampir 2 bulan, tidak kemana2 ; hanya di rumah kecuali sekitar Manchester menggunakan bas awam
*'culture shock' - aku tidak dapat menerima kenyatan orang sekeliling sibuk mempedulikan saiz fizikal tubuh badan anak2 aku.......aku sedih sehingga sekarang..walaupun aku sudah memaafkan orang2 sekeliling itu namun kesedihan itu tak bisa dilenyapkan.....
*supervisor aku tidak ada pelajar phd lain selain dari aku...sebelum ini, dia hanya ada pelajar Mphil yang sudah bergelar Dr......tidak bermakna aku boleh berjumpa dengan beliau setiap minggu, perjumpaan hanya sebulan sekali dan kdg2 dua bulan sekali...dia juga sibuk sepertimana supervisor2 yang ada nama Prof di hadapan....
*tahap sensitif- makin berganda-ganda semenjak 'culture shock'.....
*rumah diancam tikus dan pelbagai hidupan yang tidak diundang- rasa tidak ada keserasian lagi pada rumah itu....
*Zimah mengalami alahan pada kepalanya tatkala musim panas menjelma,

Cabaran 2009
^Mizah dah ke sekolah sejak Sept 2008,maka Hanie bolehlah dihantar ke 'babysitter'...maka dapatlah ke sekolah setiap hari walaupun dalam tempoh yang amat terhad
^Perlu mampu menyesuaikan diri dengan suasana kekalutan setiap pagi menyiapkan anak2 ke sekolah dan aku serta suami
^Pindah rumah baru yang 1001% selesa daripada rumah lama- mood aku makin elok
^Hanie perlu dipantau sakitnya itu..yang aku telah ketahui sejak lahir lagi.

Cabaran 2010
*Aku keguguran
*Hingga kini masih tidak serik untuk mencuba(menambah le,bukan mencuba utk keguguran...nau'zubillah...biarlah org nak kata apa pun, aku ada justifikasinya yang tersendiri)
*Mizah perlu diperiksa matanya yang dikhuatiri didapati ada masalah.....
*Sentiasa ada perasaan takut...................... takut tak mampu membawa pulang apa yang dicitakan dan menamatkan perjalanan ini....
*Hanie masih perlu dipantau dari masa ke semasa; namun dia tetap cergas dan riang ria macam kanak2 lain dan sangat 'petah'......

'Details' Planning towards until the end of my journey.....

Since I can't do nothing at home yesterday- my second daughter(get from her 'baby' sister maybe..) now had fever and dry cough......I just managed to do my 'detail' planning towards[it doesn't mean I don't have any planning before...yes I have but this one it's more on 'polishing' and reliable planning] until I submit my thesis...I blessed no more big obstacles and big challenges anymore and I do keep high bless to finish on time like Dr Yusof Hamid insyaallah...

I just have another 14 months to finish up my thesis where ..I supposely not submit the thesis on the last day on my study leave..but at least 4 months before it.... to make sure my viva is before the end of my study leave period...
could I??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
erm..actually I'm too worried if I can't finish within the given time
(otherwise I have to do the visa extension[the visa as student just given based on our study period only..] which it need lots of money to extend it...and more difficulties from my employee/sponsor that I will face.....Ya Allah...hopefully you will listen my whispering to you for make it me and my spouse with the smooth path for us..)

I've do nothing today....just watch my kids and then some light searchings..BUT my hands.......

This entry doesn't mean to plead anybody to me...... but just wanna share one of my challenges for this journey...I've echzema since in Malaysia(if I've not fault since 2004) but when I come here..my echzema never ends...sometimes no at all....sometimes critical as the pictures below....I did have the cream prescribed by dermatologist one year ago..but sometimes it couldn't help..i try another alternative herbal(aloe vera plus honey) lotion...lo'ccitane hand cream..and every time wash the dishes use gloves...but it stillnot 100% suceessful...that's why i'm alyways try to avoid from tense because it will affect to my hands....now..yes..honestly i'm too tense with my works immediately back from holiday although I've got the enthuasiatic..but the level of tense still high.....this happen maybe because of I do not finish my target yet before another summer vacation next month...hopefully my hand will be better soon...it was so hurting especially when I've touch with the water when to take ablution(wuduk)...

Must be positive

I must be positive but if I just whispered to myself just like that, it doesn't work maybe...means that I'm really need to visit another positive or motivational blogs for me to think that in our life, we must always be positive...although it's hard to handle it....that's why I do have motivational blogs list and this week I noticed one of my master class mate 7 years ago..suziyanti @ sz also have her positive phd blogs that I should follow her....besides that, I really have to listen on motivational songs that it would be wake up my self..I don't want be down all the time...... I must be strong and positive...why???it because almost everyday I will face the bad things or no progress or pressure or depress....erm....actually now I'm still pressure on my phd works in all aspects....for example yesterday.. I try my best for not sleepy but it happens for almost 4 hours at my school....I did not do job efficiently because I do not achieve my aim...then I tends to being moody to my daughters....am I bad mom????????...I'm really sad why I being so 'cengey' to my own daughters....they are not guilty but I admit that I do always can't control my emotional feelings to them...I'm always throw out my frustrated feelings to them although they're not realise on my feelings, but I'm realise that my eldest daughter always make me calm....(but sometimes..she was one of my factor to be moody...poor to her......) erm..so many lines that I try to explain my real situation..and I don't care if the readers can't dig out my feelings or emotion but I just wanna throw out my feelings through this keyboard...it can release my tense....
maybe some reader questioned without throw the comments.....'dugaan berat' sgt ker this woman????never mention her dugaan or cabaran??'asyik mengeluh' and keep 'mengeluh'......erm..yes..its hard to reveal every things...but just to share...among cabaran or challenges in myself are- easy to have lazy feelings, easy to tension, easy to down, too sensitive, no consistency, lazy in actions also in some aspects, easy to influenced by environment~~~~easy to broken-heated when people say some thing bad about her daughters~~sometimes I feel too lazy to meet people....always was condemned by her own spouse in many aspects(what is that??'biarlah rahsia')....it 's true the quote said ' it's not easy to being easy(get phd means our life will be better insyaallah...) and it's not hard to being hard'...hopefully I must be survivor and stronger what ever it is....

My challenges for my country...

MyBrain15 dilancar 25 September ini
04/09/2008 4:03pm

PULAU PINANG 4 Sept. –

Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi akan melancarkan program MyBrain15, hujung bulan
ini dalam usaha melahirkan kira-kira 100,000 penyelidik dan pekerja yang
mempunyai kelayakan ijazah doktor falsafah (Ph.D) menjelang 2010.
Menterinya,
Datuk Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin berkata, program itu yang akan dilancarkan 25
September ini merupakan pelan jangka panjang yang termasuk dalam tujuh teras
utama Pelan Strategik Pengajian Tinggi Negara (PSPTN).
Pelan tersebut
katanya, merupakan manifestasi kerajaan untuk melihat kemajuan bidang pendidikan
tinggi negara terutama dalam bidang pembangunan dan penyelidikan (R&D).-
Utusan.

Source:http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2008&dt=0904&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Terkini&pg=bt_12.htm

just malaysian and who understand malay languange know what i'm trying to say....

Assalamaualaikum....

Sebenarnya bukannya da kutuk apap2pun..cuma luahan perasaan..sesiapa yg terbrowse blogs nie jumpa dan baca so..just for those understand in malay could be understand....

Sebenarnya blogs ni sebagai catatan perjalanan hidup aku sebagai seorang pelajar, isteri, ibu kpd 3 anak yg sedang membesar dan juga anak kpd seorang ibu yg duk keseorangan di msia..(sebenarnya kakak n abg ada di sana menjaga dia but masing tinggal di rumah masing2 la)...

dah hampir 3 bulan di perantauan...ya..bukan mudah itulah ungkapan yg boleh ku katakan.....sehingga ke hari ini....byk susah senang yg dah ditempuhi sepanjang berada di bumi pnegara penjajah Malaysia ini...........namun demi mengejar ilmu dan pengalaman yang tidak datang selalu ini,walau sesusah mana dan sehebat mana cabaran pun nak tak nak harus aku lalui selama 3 tahun akan datang ini...